Vroom Vroom!

After the success of Gone in 60 Seconds and Gumball 3000 and Fast and Furious (x3) and Redline and the list goes on, I decided to cash in on that experience. I came up with ideas for my own movie titled, "Cars that Drive Fast" and its sequel "Cars that Drive Really Fast" and what the hell, a third installment that will be aptly dubbed, "Cars that Drive so Goddamn Fast, Hot Girls' Clothes Tear Off to Its Speed."

The first movie will be about a hot shot rebel playing by his own rules who is totally a slick named Drake Boss (AKA Drake the Snake), and is like, "This cat ain't a rat," pointing at himself with "cool thumbs." He's all badassing his car around town in races and whatnot, and his brother gets into some trouble with the Race Mob and owes like a lot of money, and that's when the hero shows how much of a cool heart throb he is by protecting his bro and getting him out of it. He gets it on with the hot love interest of the movie who also is a rebel hot shot, so it's like a double turn-on for Drake the Snake. He loses because the Race Mob are cheaters with unregulated engines and stuff, but it doesn't matter, because the hero will have a backup plan of epic proportions. Somewhere in the end, he'll insult the Mob boss with words and his brother will say, "Burn!" and then they speed off (burn = insult; burn = burn rubber - double meaning, this will get a cheer from the audience). And then, Drake the girl and his bro race off into the horizon.

The second movie will be about a hot shot rebel playing by his own rules who is a hardcore badass named Ace Strong (AKA Haste Ace) and is like "I ain't got wings, but you're gonna see me fly," thrusting his chest out. He's the leader of a drag race town where slicks and chicks race for money and then out of nowhere, some gang of bad guys who are also racers kidnap his younger sister who wants nothing to do with racing and wants to be a doctor. After seeing how hardcore this guy is, we now see him vulnerable and worried and this gets him an easy lay with the town honey that all the guys want. She's one of those badass hot shot girls who take no orders from anyone except her man. The gang of racers want to trade the ownership of the race town for his sister's life, and he's like, "Let's race for it!" And it's totally on. The race gang cheat by sabotaging Ace's engine through a spy mechanic. But Ace has an Ace up his sleeve (this can also be said in the movie so the audience will be all like, "Ahh, I get it.") Ace wins and the race gang leave town in their dumb cars while all embrace and ride toward the sunset.

The third movie will be about a hot shot rebel playing by his own rules who hits it and doesn’t quit it named Bobby Fierce (AKA Bobby), and is like “I don’t take crap, I dish it out” showing his smooth tan and tattoos. He’s racing the streets of Tokyo because it’s legal there with drugs ruling the city and all. His son gets kidnapped by the Yakuza Japanese mafia because they don’t like that Bobby’s races interfere with the traffic (drug trafficking, pun - get it? The audience will be like, “yes.”). The son’s birth mother and Bobby are on the rocks, but this feat reunites them and rekindles a forest fire of love and sex. She is one of those badass moms who will kick ass, but is also smokin’ hot. The Yakuza want to make a trade. Whoever wins the race will win the streets of Tokyo. Bobby loses the race, because the Yakuza use their ninja powers to render his racing car useless. But he’s ready for that. He custom built an American model-type car to compete at the last minute another race and wins because it’s an American made car and America never loses to Japan. He can say something like “I just dropped a bomb on you,” to the Yakuza boss as he speeds away into the horizon with his family, but towards the East because it’s backwards down there.

Well, there you have it. I’m going to make assloads of cash making these movies.

*By the way, this was an Eric Blevins-style movie pitch written by me. If you don’t know who that is, please Google “Eric Blevins” or visit http://www.bobanddavid.com/talent.asp and look up the archives.